the wonders of day surgery

in the beginning ...
july 2008 to be more accurate, i
had a problem with my foot.


monday, january 25th, 2010 i was admitted to ayr hospital...
yeah, yeah ... these things take time!
purpose of visit - dowel fusion left second metatarsal. day
surgery, no big deal, they would have allowed me home the same
evening if only my den came equiped with a caring she wolf!

as i am a live alone type, i was instructed to stay over and
await release on the tuesday morning. i did try to explain that
i live in an 'over 60's' retirement complex which comes equiped
with emergency pull cords and a warden. my pleas went unheard,
without an adult at home to keep an eye on my still slightly
anaesthetized self - no escape.

i was terrified ... naturally!
there were wild stories of removing bone from my hip to use
in the foot repair. i imagined myself awaking to a left side
completely immobilised in a plaster cast. i silently cursed the
idiot doctors who had not bothered to send me for an xray
in the first instance thus leading to years of pain,limping,
mri's and now ... effing surgery.
hah!

however, the sheets were clean and the nurses both attractive
and attentive. i decided 'all is exactly as it should be'.
i submitted to the needle and departed for where ever it is
we go whilst under an anaesthetic.
i awoke with a mask over my face, the cool trickle of oxygen
keeping my usual claustrophobia at bay. no pain! the
anaesthetist removed the mask and muttered something about ...
"the surgeon did not have to take bone from your hip", before
he rushed off to his next patient.

i woke up again in the ward, thirsty and hungry, i could smell
dinner! the 25th is rabbie burns night and i was sure they
would offer us poor patients a wee plate of haggis,
neeps and tatties.unfortunately we would have to forego the
obligatory wee dram due to our rather delicate state as post
operative patients... sigh ...

nurse
"are you thirsty, would you like a drink?"

me
"uhuh" glug, glug ...

nurse
"now i know you can smell food but it is too
soon for you to eat".

me (thinks)
"sez who?"

nurse
"not to worry, i will keep you a plate, or make you a nice
sandwich when you are ready".

hah ...
man, those people will say anything to keep a patient quiet!

i spent almost twenty four hours in the day surgery ward and
the only thing to pass my lips was toast and coffee. i suppose
the evening meal was a matter of bad timing but i made sure
i would be offered a grand scottish breakfast to make up for
the inhospitable hospitality of the previous night. not a
chance! come breakfast time i was asked if i would like one
slice of toast or two. let me tell you good people, those
hospital slices are so skinny ... two hardly equals one ...
if you know what i mean!

as to my foot, no pain, no plaster, just a big bulky bandage
and one of those really stylish blue shoes to hold my foot
together.all in all, not nearly as scary as i had imagined.

as i sat in the lounge, gnawing away at my very thin slices
of toast, i fell into conversation with two of my fellow
patients.the lady to my left had her gall bladder removed
and the lady to my right had varicose veins removed from
BOTH legs!i stared at them in disbelief ...

"you had these ops yesterday and you are going home today?"

indeed!

i am starting to feel my age. back in the day ... if the
medical fraternity touched you with intent you spent days
tucked up in bed, on a spotless ward with a stream of
visitors bringing flowers and chocolates.

the wonders of day surgery!