boxing day blog
the day after christmas. well fed...hmmm, to be perfectly honest...over fed. chocolates and new reading materials heaped high...
one book by my favourite medium, colin fry...
i watch his tv show 'sixth sense', this bloke is uncanny! one by another great british medium, tony stockwell...tony sometimes guests on the 'sixth sense'.
i have always been interested in near death experiences, past life and between life. i only felt the need to find a talented medium after manfred bowed out of the life physical.
manfred and i were great pals and equally inquisitive about what is, what was and what may be...
we spent a good part of our years together in deep conversation and debate about... well, just about anything that took our fancy.
quite naturally, when i developed cancer, we discussed life and death and how to make the most of our given time between birth and death.
when we received the devastating news that manfred had prostate cancer and that it had mestasized in his spine...no operation, no cure, just holding treatments to extend his life. at first we were so shocked, so afraid, we almost lost our ability to communicate. the human race are so adaptable, given enough time we will learn to accept almost anything.
we had many reasons to be glad, the mann had retired early and we had moved to a lovely cottage on the natal south coast.we received the gift of time and we learned to use it well.
we asked how long...we were told..."not easy to know, could be three months, could be ten years".
we were granted four years. four mostly good years, the last year more difficult. the medications stopped working, the cancer spread, the pain became difficult to control. my mann was a fighter, stubborn and brave.
for five days after his physical death, he was still around, i could feel his presence although i could neither see nor touch him. the sixth day ... he was gone, the house empty....
oh god how i howled that day.
in all probability, i moved to the uk because i could not bear home and the familiar without him. i really don't know, i thought i was functioning normally. i have now come to realize that i may have been walking and talking...
but for at least three years... i, me, myself, was in some manner absent. lost in an unfamiliar world, forced to survive without my soul mate.
during that lost time, i developed my interest in the world of the medium, the hope of contact with my lost beloved.
i visited three different mediums before i lost interest, they were in no way able to connect me with him. they told me interesting and very useful insights into me, my life, my talents and what i should be doing, where my path would lead. amazingly insightful and accurate... not at all what i was searching for.
my mind knew manfred so well, if i ask, he is still able to help me figure things out. sometimes i hear his voice so clearly...
i feel him, i dream him... i have no proof that he continues to be.
then i found the 'sixth sense' and colin fry, medium extraordinary. i believe that if manfred wished to contact me, colin would be the man to translate for us.
perhaps, one day, i will find the courage to test my theory, to look for the proof of life after death. or perhaps i will stay safe in the realm of my dreams, where my love waits for me on the other side.
I dreamed a dream....
2 weeks ago