Sunday, 5 December 2010

a learning experience

like it or not ...
life is a learning experience!

recently a very dear person, a person i love and whose opinion i respect ...
mentioned "the three fold law".

life sends us reminders, i read and i remembered.
what did i remember ... that which we all know but so often forget.
allow me to share ...

and i quote -
" The Three-Fold Law - Punishment Or Gift?

You can blame the gods, you can blame someone else, you can blame anything and everyone, you can even
blame yourself . . .

The thing is, blaming isn't going to get you anywhere. Because
the issue isn't who's at fault and who gets punished. It's
what you can learn.

Each time the unpleasant situation arises, the Divine is
asking you . . .

"Here, would you like to be free of this miserable thing yet?"

Each time, you're offered the opportunity to notice how you're
hurting yourself (not to mention other people, the Earth, and
the gods and goddesses). Each time, you are given the
opportunity to make another choice.

Karma in Wiccan law is an offering of healing.

Beware The Seeds You Plant

Every choice you make plants seeds for the future.

Whether you plant sweet juicy crops or bitter stinging weeds
is entirely up to you. That's the gift of free will.

But whatever you sow, you will reap. Unavoidably. Every choice,
every action, every thought bears fruit.

And since the "fruit" is inside you, you can't escape reaping
it. The most you can do, perhaps, is delay.

 Poison Fruit

And these choices are not merely in the physical realm. It's
not as simple as you hit someone and they hit you back.

When you cherish a grudge or resentment in your heart - even
if it's never expressed - you are feeding yourself poison.

Every uncharitable thought has real repercussions… in your
physical and mental health, and in the world.

Do You Have To Change?
That is why the great sages say, as Gandhi did, that you must
be the change you want to see in the world. There is no other

Regardless of whether the world around you is peaceful, you
will never see that peace, unless you have a peaceful heart.

And without peace in your heart, how could you ever create it
around you? That's like trying to bake bread without any flour.

This is fundamental to Wiccan philosophy - nothing is lost. It
all comes back around.

If you want a peaceful, loving world, it starts in your heart.
Your heart! - and mine, of course, and everyone's. But your
is the only one you have influence over.

 The Magic Of The Three-Fold Law

And the wondrous gift of the Three-Fold Law is that

    * one little thought of compassion,

    * one little act of kindness,

    * one little choice for forgiveness . . .


And keeps multiplying, as the ripples spread out to infinity,
and back again."

Monday, 22 November 2010

"beyond time"

oh wow, oh wow, oh wow!

knock on the door ... rat-a-tat-tat.
special delivery...

"beyond time"

absolutely friggin' perfect. a real book, a real poetry book,
hard cover with shiny printed pages!

the word smith is without words ...

Friday, 19 November 2010


"Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eat just one of those pieces."
~Judith Viorst
damn! who would have guessed? thanks for passing this on mike!

Monday, 15 November 2010

situational silence


there is no true silence to be found
on this, our beloved planet
we are surrounded by the hum of nature
and the cacophony of sound
created by our invasive humanity
yet silence waits to be discovered
hidden in the hours of alone
we acknowledge silence in the missing

Copyright © 2004-2010 by Eryll Oellermann

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

happy birthday sweetheart

cheers baby!

sixty nine! today my beloved mann would have turned sixty nine ... forever young.

Sunday, 7 November 2010

mmmmm... i love me some x factor

Matt Cardle sings The First Time (Ever I Saw Your Face) - The X Factor

Thursday, 4 November 2010

"dona nobis pacem"

what is peace?

peace is as elusive as faith.

where will we find peace ... in an absence of anger?

perhaps if we ...

decline the opportunity to feel righteous rage,

allow ourselves to experience gratitude without boundaries.

find the time and desire to reach out, extend a helping hand,
offer our strength, our focus, ourselves.

fall in love with our earth in all her many forms and her

realize that we are no better nor worse, no more
talented or useful than a single grain of sand or blade of

repudiate our selfish sense of superiority.

understand that we are nothing more than an equal part of the

respect the comforts and needs of others. protect the weak.
shelter the young and the elderly.

learn to listen rather than be heard.

practice love without ego.

find the wisdom to understand that i am nothing if i am not

remember that an enemy is only another aspect of the light
within us. refuse to see the darkness, search instead for
the goodness, the loving, pure life energy.

peace may be an impossible dream.

there is no more worthy quest.

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

so i lied!

i am totally unable to leave my beloved blogs unattended. perhaps i will write less often, perhaps i won't write at all.
who knows the future, who understands tomorrow ...
life is what it is, an adventure into the unknown, an experience of the now.

Sunday, 24 October 2010

time to move on ...

there is a season for all things. a time for all truth.
one designated day in the life of me myself when ...
i have to say ... "i heard the fat lady sing!"


the sun may shine, the wind might blow, in all probability
(given the small corner of our beloved planet on which i pitch
my tent)rain will fall.
one thing will not change, sugar and the wolf are no more.

yesterday is the past, a time to be cherished in memory alone.

i joined pinksofa, i paid my fees, i read profiles, sent smiles
and winks, i have chatted and called, teased and flirted.
i have even dated, in a some what desultory manner.
my heart has not been in it. enough already...i
spent six years loving and tormenting herself. time to admit
the obvious, it is over.

today is the first day of the rest of my life!

i will be closing down 'the mind nomadic' and 'the unfolding
enigma'. they have had their time and enjoyed their space.

i have need of a new space. a different time and place in which
to journal the trials and tribulations, the excitements and
anticipations of the wolf. i seek the freedom to whine about the
old and exclaim over the new.

if you wish to continue to follow the path of the wolf - email
me or find me on facebook, i have a new blog as yet undisturbed
by my tales, thoughts, theories, conjectures and downright
lies!soon enough i will find those pristine pages irresistible
and the words will come.

in the mean time, thank you my friends and readers. thank you
for reading, commenting, consoling. thank you for listening
to the words which grow in the heart of the wolf.

Monday, 18 October 2010

Monday, 11 October 2010

the gift

on saturday G was gifted  a new heart! his old one was kaput.
the new heart started all by itself as soon as it
was connected!

what a gift, the gift of life. it is impossible to describe our
sense of gratitude to the donor and his family.
thank you, thank you.

of course it is still early days ...
but now, G has a wonderful chance, a strong and healthy heart.

Wednesday, 6 October 2010

love never dies

10.11.1941 - 06.10.2002
Manfred Walter Oellermann

a beautiful man. to be continued...

Friday, 1 October 2010

time together

bonnie scotland - i am home and once more alone.

one month in south africa with pj's fairly constant company
and now ... just me!

amazing how quickly one becomes used to companionship and how
lost one feels when back in the singular.

ah well, i will just have to relearn the pleasures of the selfish,
single life!

perhaps i am a little sad today. why today in particular...
because today the mann and i would have celebrated our 44th
wedding anniversary.
he would have made us a smashing english breakfast. perhaps
we would have taken a drive down the coast, stopped at an
old beach hotel and sat on a shady verandah, overlooking the
sea. he would have poured his amstel into a glass, the mann was
civilized, me ... i would have swigged my savannah straight
from the bottle.

one of our favourite places to relax and lunch was the
venture inn at umtentweni. a delightfully quaint and
old fashioned hotel, it had fabulous views, a good menu
and reasonable prices. i loved their ribs and chips and
learned to appreciate the wonders of tripe and onions
served with mashed potato.


it is almost eight years since he lost his battle with cancer.
i have grown used to living without him and yet ...
i still miss his company, his sense of humour, his searingly
brilliant mind. i miss the comfort of his arms, the roughness
of his beard against my cheek.

his love was a precious gift. thank you manfred!

Sunday, 5 September 2010

a reason to celebrate

yesterday morning G came off the respirator!
by afternoon visiting he was talking and demanding tea.

some days are coloured golden!

Monday, 30 August 2010

i hear the hadida

i am home, under the african sun. surrounded by the familar, the voices of my people, the sights and scents of south african spring.

i did not expect to be here, i expected to be watching summer fade from my ayrshire window.

the unexpected has brought me here, here where i need to be at this time.

our dear g, my son's partner, soul mate, life love ...
suffered a massive heart attack last tuesday.

we have to wait now, while machines monitor his body and time accomplishes her healing. there are no guarantees, there is hope and love, belief in his strength and his will to live.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

yay!! i am a non smoker!!

as of yesterday, round about 2.00pm, i am a happy non smoker.

many thanks to allen carr author of "the only way to stop
smoking permanently".

my south african son sent me "the book" - quite a while ago...
actually ...

i finally felt driven to read the damn thing. took my time,
puffing away as instructed, inhaling,exhaling, happy as only a
true addict can be when offered licence to indulge.
no need to stop until i have read the book.
never have i read a book so slowly.
somehow, along the long slow way ...
what the man said started to make sense!

my problem with "giving up" the nicotine habit, was always ...
the empty feeling of loss and deprivation.
i would never have imagined that it might just be possible to

if this blog sounds like an advert, my apologies. i have found
the way to free myself from my nicotine addiction and it
would be downright selfish on my part if i neglected to share
the happy news.

there is no need for me to write of my withdrawal torment. no
need to count the days and weeks of abstinence i have won through requires no willpower to become a happy ex smoker.
thank you allen carr.
i have smoked my final cigarette, i am free!

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

one small cloud

some days start perfectly
the sun shines
the birds twitter
they were doing it
before we ever were
and then
one small cloud
appears on the not so far
my hair is silver
or to define the colour
in a less than romantic way
salt and pepper
my eyebrows dark
until today
one white eyebrow hair
now youth has fled
leaving me bereft
my mind a circle of memories
and mourning
i plucked the fucker out

Copyright © 2004-2010 by Eryll Oellermann

Sunday, 7 March 2010



i watched the sun rise this morning, from the first faint
pinkish glow until my eyes burned.
the trees still stand stark and leafless, silhouetted against
the sky. from a distance winter architecture dominates, a
closer look reveals budding and bursting. new life
in abundance.

this year i will turn sixty two. sixty was a big deal for me!
one can hardly deny one's mortality when offered a free bus

i am an eternal child, steeped in the wonders of what if
and why? impatience and impulsiveness are my guides.
the careful remind me that we are not all the same, that it is
far more adult to consider, calculate and research one's life
options before diving in at the deep end.
i have named my new second hand car prudence, as for the
rest of my slightly wayward existence ...
each day is an another chance to breathe deep the wonders of life.
to experience the outcome of impulse - good, bad or

perhaps my life attitude was affected by my tango with cancer
at the tender age of forty six. the cancer was a shock, the
chemo shook me to my very core. at that time, in my certain
knowledge, people who had to endure chemo usually died.
a glass barrier fell into place, i lived in a muffled world of
my own, able to look out but separated from the still healthy
by the shocking knowledge of my own mortality.

time becomes wealth, denying any experience - a wasted
possibility, a small death. through anticipated loss i learned
the value of living.

today i am healthy, my body strong and reliable.i live in the
world and hear the familiar hum of our humanity.
time heals but i am changed. for me, each breath is a gift,
no moment should be wasted, tomorrow is no longer inevitable.

Friday, 26 February 2010

a song of freedom


"sing me a song of freedom" she cried, her voice rang out
across the valley.

the wolf lifted his head just a little.

she climbed a little higher and stood, arms raised in
supplication to the sun goddess.
the wind danced with her long sun kissed hair as
this particular day travelled the well worn path.

in the forest below, a shadow changed. dappled sunlight
waltzed with the damp brown earth. decomposition, the sweet

thump, thump, wolf paw thudding earthwards, claws in search
of an irritation, an escaping itch.

"write me a song" she pleaded "let me hear the lyrics
of your love, in the music i must feel the rhythm of
your heartbeat."

the high hills listened and were silent.

Friday, 19 February 2010

global warming?


scotland can be a pretty dreary place at times, plenty of
grey skies, plenty of rain.
but, for the last couple of days my small spot has enjoyed
blue, cloudless skies.
there is a welcome warmth in the air, crocus plants
are pushing blue tipped buds through the soil.
folks are out and about, faces lifted to the warm sun.
seasonal magic!

when i first moved to troon i was a little concerned. my wee
apartment is in an 'over sixties' complex. i had a picture of
my self surrounded by a bunch of ancient fuddy duddies.
hah! one of the older owners is a lady of ninety five, she
still drives ... very well i am reliably informed.
when we are blessed with clear skies at this time of the year,
we are cursed with frost and ice coated windscreens.

a few mornings ago i was out in the garden smoking - yeah,
forgot to tell you, i fell off the nicotine wagon! if you
need to hear the excuses ...

1) the stress of moving.
2) crashing my lady rav.
3) breaking up with herself.

enough already, i am just another addict.

so there i was, 9.30 in the morning, freezing my arse off
and wishing i had never surrendered to the cursed weed.
and there is my ninety five year old neighbour, scraping the
ice off her windscreen.
what an inspiration.

mind you, the very thought that in thirty five years time i
might still be having to de-ice windscreens?
maybe that global warming scenario is not as scary as it

Monday, 15 February 2010

uhuh ...

it's me again. just could not keep away! a new blog does
not necessarily mean i have to shut down the mind nomadic and
the unfolding enigma.
took me a while to realize that!
logic won in the end ...

Friday, 12 February 2010

until we meet again

friday 12th february - two months exactly since i left my wee village and took up residence in an actual town. quite an eventful two months it has been! wrote off my beloved lady rav, accepted the impossibility of my relationship with herself, finally had my foot fixed.
2010 has possibilities, in march my youngest will visit from south africa. in june i will be spending two weeks with a group of lesbian friends on the island of minorca.

i breathe, spring is in the air, my heart quickens at the signs of new life. the first shoots breaking through the winter empty ground. branches, once desolate, burst with buds, round and plump with new life.our scottish sun rises a little earlier, sets a little later and i feel the warmth of her.

a time of change.
i need a new voice, a new page upon which to write my truth.
on these pages i have grown stale and careful.

dear friends and readers, i will of course continue to follow your blogs!

i will leave the mind nomadic and the unfolding enigma as and where they are. a small history for myself. does anyone remember designated writer? still out there, deserted but inviolate!
from time to time, i will continue to publish some of my poetry on wordspinner

until we meet again.

Wednesday, 10 February 2010


what is it with this 'next-blog' story? does anyone know?

all of a sudden a week or so back my stats on the mind
nomadic started to rise.
i did not take much notice, just thought ... "thats nice".
until the day i had 200, yep 200 visitors to my little
blog in one day. at which stage i thought ... "that's weird!"

so, i started checking out the stats on my other blogs,
no new action, only my few faithful followers. which
made me think ... "that is effin' strange!"

i returned to the stats page for the mind nomadic
and noticed that although an absolute orgy of people
from all over the world were passing through ...
only a few were actually stopping long enough to read.

had my blog entered a twilight zone of blog grazers, one
bite and they are out of there?
i checked a little more carefully and found that these alien
grazers all came referred via "next-blog".
hmmmm ... i googled 'next blog'. it would appear to refer
only to the next blog button at the top of the blog page.
i was riveted, i had never pushed that damn button! so, i did.
indeed one seems to move from one unrelated and unknown blog
to another.
which might explain how my blog is suddenly so well visited.
question - why did my figures leap within such a small space of
time and why are these 'next-blog' folk not arriving on my
other two blogs?

is there anybody out there with an explanation?

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

Faoilleach, the Wolf-month

yesterday, one of my favourite bloggers - camlin, of camlin's
crooked line
threw down the gauntlet.
a poetry challenge!
camlin was discussing Imbolc and Brighid, the goddess fire and
forge, of healing and poetry. now, i have no pagan connection
and curiosity sent me in search of information. I discovered
that this time of the year was known as Faoilleach, the wolf
month. naturally this knowledge intrigued my wolfish heart!

unfortunately the wolf in scotland long ago became extinct. there
is now an effort being made to reintroduce them in certain parts
of the highlands. unfortunately there will be fences, they will
not be entirely free. however, for those of us who hold the wolf
close to our hearts...
we will, once more, have the opportunity to hear their voice.
to know they prowl the wilderness which was once theirs.

i dedicate this song to my dear friend xan, the hawk. she who knows and shares a wild heart.

Faoilleach, the Wolf-month

once,when they were few
scratching at the blessed soil
for sustenance
crouching round fire
in draughty shelters
as the dark time
enshrouded the land
i was free to roam

free to run and hunt
following the deer trails
silent in the winter white
the mountain and the glen
were my own kingdom
no need to fear
the eye and arm of humanity
held prisoner by the season

their numbers increased
they staked claim to more
of the sacred earth
unprepared to share
they drove us ever further
until at last
we ceased to howl and hunt
man ruled

yet still, when the wind bites
when the snow flurries and drifts
when man seeks shelter
from the season's seeping chill
my spirit roams the hills and glens
for those who have the ears to hear
my voice once more reverberates
across the lost wilderness

Copyright © 2010 by Eryll Oellermann

Friday, 29 January 2010


i really enjoy word verification! today i was gifted 'sulful'...
full of sullenness? like the opposite of soulful?

yesterday was fun, the district nurse popped in to change
my dressing. man! this country is so damn civilized ...
when you leave the hospital they give you a letter for the
district nurse and explain when she will visit and what she
will do. and then ... she actually arrives, oy, home was never
like this!
so i managed to take a peek at 'the' wound. well ... i was
pretty darn impressed, the cut is at least two inches long
and my foot is all the colours of the rainbow. unfortunately
i neglected to ask how many stitches there were.

the nurse had only just left when the doorbell rang.
a parcel delivery, a huge box, looked like it might contain a
fridge. i stepped back and muttered ...
"nope, don't think that can be for me."
mr delivery pointed out my name and insisted i sign.
he then turned on his heel and belted off down the stairs.
leaving me wondering how the dickens i was going to carry
the huge box into my tiny flat.
turns out it was light as a feather and when i opened it up,
a bouquet of balloons came bursting out! seems peter, my
youngest (still resident in south africa) felt his mommy was
deserving of a really big bunch of balloons!must admit -
they made my day.

so here we are, friday already. next friday i have my stitches
removed, a couple more weeks and i will be driving, dancing,
going to gym. well ... maybe the going to gym bit is a
teeny exaggeration!

Wednesday, 27 January 2010

the wonders of day surgery

in the beginning ...
july 2008 to be more accurate, i
had a problem with my foot.

monday, january 25th, 2010 i was admitted to ayr hospital...
yeah, yeah ... these things take time!
purpose of visit - dowel fusion left second metatarsal. day
surgery, no big deal, they would have allowed me home the same
evening if only my den came equiped with a caring she wolf!

as i am a live alone type, i was instructed to stay over and
await release on the tuesday morning. i did try to explain that
i live in an 'over 60's' retirement complex which comes equiped
with emergency pull cords and a warden. my pleas went unheard,
without an adult at home to keep an eye on my still slightly
anaesthetized self - no escape.

i was terrified ... naturally!
there were wild stories of removing bone from my hip to use
in the foot repair. i imagined myself awaking to a left side
completely immobilised in a plaster cast. i silently cursed the
idiot doctors who had not bothered to send me for an xray
in the first instance thus leading to years of pain,limping,
mri's and now ... effing surgery.

however, the sheets were clean and the nurses both attractive
and attentive. i decided 'all is exactly as it should be'.
i submitted to the needle and departed for where ever it is
we go whilst under an anaesthetic.
i awoke with a mask over my face, the cool trickle of oxygen
keeping my usual claustrophobia at bay. no pain! the
anaesthetist removed the mask and muttered something about ...
"the surgeon did not have to take bone from your hip", before
he rushed off to his next patient.

i woke up again in the ward, thirsty and hungry, i could smell
dinner! the 25th is rabbie burns night and i was sure they
would offer us poor patients a wee plate of haggis,
neeps and tatties.unfortunately we would have to forego the
obligatory wee dram due to our rather delicate state as post
operative patients... sigh ...

"are you thirsty, would you like a drink?"

"uhuh" glug, glug ...

"now i know you can smell food but it is too
soon for you to eat".

me (thinks)
"sez who?"

"not to worry, i will keep you a plate, or make you a nice
sandwich when you are ready".

hah ...
man, those people will say anything to keep a patient quiet!

i spent almost twenty four hours in the day surgery ward and
the only thing to pass my lips was toast and coffee. i suppose
the evening meal was a matter of bad timing but i made sure
i would be offered a grand scottish breakfast to make up for
the inhospitable hospitality of the previous night. not a
chance! come breakfast time i was asked if i would like one
slice of toast or two. let me tell you good people, those
hospital slices are so skinny ... two hardly equals one ...
if you know what i mean!

as to my foot, no pain, no plaster, just a big bulky bandage
and one of those really stylish blue shoes to hold my foot
together.all in all, not nearly as scary as i had imagined.

as i sat in the lounge, gnawing away at my very thin slices
of toast, i fell into conversation with two of my fellow
patients.the lady to my left had her gall bladder removed
and the lady to my right had varicose veins removed from
BOTH legs!i stared at them in disbelief ...

"you had these ops yesterday and you are going home today?"


i am starting to feel my age. back in the day ... if the
medical fraternity touched you with intent you spent days
tucked up in bed, on a spotless ward with a stream of
visitors bringing flowers and chocolates.

the wonders of day surgery!

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

the white stuff

woke up to a very white world this morning, (very early morning ...
i might add!)white and quiet.
now i am very fond of the white stuff, far as i am concerned we
don't have enough of it in my part of ayrshire. of
course, travel a few miles inland and we might well find
ourselves stranded waist deep in snow!
however ...
this year our weather is said to be blowing in from siberia!
don't ya just love it when that happens?
retirement is great, no need to go out and fight the ice,
no need to pretend that my driving skills are up to snow
except for today...
i lost my beloved lady rav, well actually ... less lost and
more destroyed would be closer to the truth.
and that is another story ...
so i have been driving (or not) a hire car for the past week.
today is the day i am due to return her to the rental guys in
kilmarnock. oy!
everything is covered with the white stuff!
for pete's sake ... i was born in africa, we do dust not
frozen water.