recently a very dear person, a person i love and whose opinion i respect ...
mentioned "the three fold law".
life sends us reminders, i read and i remembered.
what did i remember ... that which we all know but so often forget.
allow me to share ...
and i quote - " The Three-Fold Law - Punishment Or Gift?
You can blame the gods, you can blame someone else, you can blame anything and everyone, you can even
blame yourself . . .
The thing is, blaming isn't going to get you anywhere. Because
the issue isn't who's at fault and who gets punished. It's
what you can learn.
Each time the unpleasant situation arises, the Divine is
asking you . . .
"Here, would you like to be free of this miserable thing yet?"
Each time, you're offered the opportunity to notice how you're
hurting yourself (not to mention other people, the Earth, and
the gods and goddesses). Each time, you are given the
opportunity to make another choice.
Karma in Wiccan law is an offering of healing.
Beware The Seeds You Plant
Every choice you make plants seeds for the future.
Whether you plant sweet juicy crops or bitter stinging weeds
is entirely up to you. That's the gift of free will.
But whatever you sow, you will reap. Unavoidably. Every choice,
every action, every thought bears fruit.
And since the "fruit" is inside you, you can't escape reaping
it. The most you can do, perhaps, is delay.
And these choices are not merely in the physical realm. It's
not as simple as you hit someone and they hit you back.
When you cherish a grudge or resentment in your heart - even
if it's never expressed - you are feeding yourself poison.
Every uncharitable thought has real repercussions… in your
physical and mental health, and in the world.
Do You Have To Change?
That is why the great sages say, as Gandhi did, that you must
be the change you want to see in the world. There is no other
Regardless of whether the world around you is peaceful, you
will never see that peace, unless you have a peaceful heart.
And without peace in your heart, how could you ever create it
around you? That's like trying to bake bread without any flour.
This is fundamental to Wiccan philosophy - nothing is lost. It
all comes back around.
If you want a peaceful, loving world, it starts in your heart.
Your heart! - and mine, of course, and everyone's. But your
is the only one you have influence over.
The Magic Of The Three-Fold Law
And the wondrous gift of the Three-Fold Law is that
* one little thought of compassion,
* one little act of kindness,
* one little choice for forgiveness . . .
And keeps multiplying, as the ripples spread out to infinity,
and back again."
there is no true silence to be found
on this, our beloved planet
we are surrounded by the hum of nature
and the cacophony of sound
created by our invasive humanity
yet silence waits to be discovered
hidden in the hours of alone
we acknowledge silence in the missing
i am totally unable to leave my beloved blogs unattended. perhaps i will write less often, perhaps i won't write at all.
who knows the future, who understands tomorrow ...
life is what it is, an adventure into the unknown, an experience of the now.
there is a season for all things. a time for all truth.
one designated day in the life of me myself when ...
i have to say ... "i heard the fat lady sing!"
the sun may shine, the wind might blow, in all probability
(given the small corner of our beloved planet on which i pitch
my tent)rain will fall.
one thing will not change, sugar and the wolf are no more.
yesterday is the past, a time to be cherished in memory alone.
i joined pinksofa, i paid my fees, i read profiles, sent smiles
and winks, i have chatted and called, teased and flirted.
i have even dated, in a some what desultory manner.
my heart has not been in it. enough already...i
spent six years loving and tormenting herself. time to admit
the obvious, it is over.
today is the first day of the rest of my life!
i will be closing down 'the mind nomadic' and 'the unfolding
enigma'. they have had their time and enjoyed their space.
i have need of a new space. a different time and place in which
to journal the trials and tribulations, the excitements and
anticipations of the wolf. i seek the freedom to whine about the
old and exclaim over the new.
if you wish to continue to follow the path of the wolf - email
me or find me on facebook, i have a new blog as yet undisturbed
by my tales, thoughts, theories, conjectures and downright
lies!soon enough i will find those pristine pages irresistible
and the words will come.
in the mean time, thank you my friends and readers. thank you
for reading, commenting, consoling. thank you for listening
to the words which grow in the heart of the wolf.
one month in south africa with pj's fairly constant company
and now ... just me!
amazing how quickly one becomes used to companionship and how
lost one feels when back in the singular.
ah well, i will just have to relearn the pleasures of the selfish,
perhaps i am a little sad today. why today in particular...
because today the mann and i would have celebrated our 44th
he would have made us a smashing english breakfast. perhaps
we would have taken a drive down the coast, stopped at an
old beach hotel and sat on a shady verandah, overlooking the
sea. he would have poured his amstel into a glass, the mann was
civilized, me ... i would have swigged my savannah straight
from the bottle.
one of our favourite places to relax and lunch was the
venture inn at umtentweni. a delightfully quaint and
old fashioned hotel, it had fabulous views, a good menu
and reasonable prices. i loved their ribs and chips and
learned to appreciate the wonders of tripe and onions
served with mashed potato.
it is almost eight years since he lost his battle with cancer.
i have grown used to living without him and yet ...
i still miss his company, his sense of humour, his searingly
brilliant mind. i miss the comfort of his arms, the roughness
of his beard against my cheek.
as of yesterday, round about 2.00pm, i am a happy non smoker.
many thanks to allen carr author of "the only way to stop
my south african son sent me "the book" - quite a while ago...
i finally felt driven to read the damn thing. took my time,
puffing away as instructed, inhaling,exhaling, happy as only a
true addict can be when offered licence to indulge.
no need to stop until i have read the book.
never have i read a book so slowly.
somehow, along the long slow way ...
what the man said started to make sense!
my problem with "giving up" the nicotine habit, was always ...
the empty feeling of loss and deprivation.
i would never have imagined that it might just be possible to
be a HAPPY NON SMOKER!
if this blog sounds like an advert, my apologies. i have found
the way to free myself from my nicotine addiction and it
would be downright selfish on my part if i neglected to share
the happy news.
there is no need for me to write of my withdrawal torment. no
need to count the days and weeks of abstinence i have won through
willpower.it requires no willpower to become a happy ex smoker.
thank you allen carr.
i have smoked my final cigarette, i am free!
some days start perfectly
the sun shines
the birds twitter
they were doing it
before we ever were
one small cloud
appears on the not so far
my hair is silver
or to define the colour
in a less than romantic way
salt and pepper
my eyebrows dark
one white eyebrow hair
now youth has fled
leaving me bereft
my mind a circle of memories
i plucked the fucker out
i watched the sun rise this morning, from the first faint
pinkish glow until my eyes burned.
the trees still stand stark and leafless, silhouetted against
the sky. from a distance winter architecture dominates, a
closer look reveals budding and bursting. new life
this year i will turn sixty two. sixty was a big deal for me!
one can hardly deny one's mortality when offered a free bus
i am an eternal child, steeped in the wonders of what if
and why? impatience and impulsiveness are my guides.
the careful remind me that we are not all the same, that it is
far more adult to consider, calculate and research one's life
options before diving in at the deep end.
i have named my new second hand car prudence, as for the
rest of my slightly wayward existence ...
each day is an another chance to breathe deep the wonders of life.
to experience the outcome of impulse - good, bad or
perhaps my life attitude was affected by my tango with cancer
at the tender age of forty six. the cancer was a shock, the
chemo shook me to my very core. at that time, in my certain
knowledge, people who had to endure chemo usually died.
a glass barrier fell into place, i lived in a muffled world of
my own, able to look out but separated from the still healthy
by the shocking knowledge of my own mortality.
time becomes wealth, denying any experience - a wasted
possibility, a small death. through anticipated loss i learned
the value of living.
today i am healthy, my body strong and reliable.i live in the
world and hear the familiar hum of our humanity.
time heals but i am changed. for me, each breath is a gift,
no moment should be wasted, tomorrow is no longer inevitable.
scotland can be a pretty dreary place at times, plenty of
grey skies, plenty of rain.
but, for the last couple of days my small spot has enjoyed
blue, cloudless skies.
there is a welcome warmth in the air, crocus plants
are pushing blue tipped buds through the soil.
folks are out and about, faces lifted to the warm sun.
when i first moved to troon i was a little concerned. my wee
apartment is in an 'over sixties' complex. i had a picture of
my self surrounded by a bunch of ancient fuddy duddies.
hah! one of the older owners is a lady of ninety five, she
still drives ... very well i am reliably informed.
when we are blessed with clear skies at this time of the year,
we are cursed with frost and ice coated windscreens.
a few mornings ago i was out in the garden smoking - yeah,
forgot to tell you, i fell off the nicotine wagon! if you
need to hear the excuses ...
1) the stress of moving.
2) crashing my lady rav.
3) breaking up with herself.
enough already, i am just another addict.
so there i was, 9.30 in the morning, freezing my arse off
and wishing i had never surrendered to the cursed weed.
and there is my ninety five year old neighbour, scraping the
ice off her windscreen.
what an inspiration.
mind you, the very thought that in thirty five years time i
might still be having to de-ice windscreens?
maybe that global warming scenario is not as scary as it
friday 12th february - two months exactly since i left my wee village and took up residence in an actual town. quite an eventful two months it has been! wrote off my beloved lady rav, accepted the impossibility of my relationship with herself, finally had my foot fixed.
2010 has possibilities, in march my youngest will visit from south africa. in june i will be spending two weeks with a group of lesbian friends on the island of minorca.
i breathe, spring is in the air, my heart quickens at the signs of new life. the first shoots breaking through the winter empty ground. branches, once desolate, burst with buds, round and plump with new life.our scottish sun rises a little earlier, sets a little later and i feel the warmth of her.
a time of change.
i need a new voice, a new page upon which to write my truth.
on these pages i have grown stale and careful.
dear friends and readers, i will of course continue to follow your blogs!
i will leave the mind nomadic and the unfolding enigma as and where they are. a small history for myself. does anyone remember designated writer? still out there, deserted but inviolate!
from time to time, i will continue to publish some of my poetry on wordspinner
what is it with this 'next-blog' story? does anyone know?
all of a sudden a week or so back my stats on the mind
nomadic started to rise.
i did not take much notice, just thought ... "thats nice".
until the day i had 200, yep 200 visitors to my little
blog in one day. at which stage i thought ... "that's weird!"
so, i started checking out the stats on my other blogs,
no new action, only my few faithful followers. which
made me think ... "that is effin' strange!"
i returned to the stats page for the mind nomadic
and noticed that although an absolute orgy of people
from all over the world were passing through ...
only a few were actually stopping long enough to read.
had my blog entered a twilight zone of blog grazers, one
bite and they are out of there?
i checked a little more carefully and found that these alien
grazers all came referred via "next-blog".
hmmmm ... i googled 'next blog'. it would appear to refer
only to the next blog button at the top of the blog page.
i was riveted, i had never pushed that damn button! so, i did.
indeed one seems to move from one unrelated and unknown blog
which might explain how my blog is suddenly so well visited.
question - why did my figures leap within such a small space of
time and why are these 'next-blog' folk not arriving on my
other two blogs?
yesterday, one of my favourite bloggers - camlin, of camlin's
crooked line threw down the gauntlet.
a poetry challenge!
camlin was discussing Imbolc and Brighid, the goddess fire and
forge, of healing and poetry. now, i have no pagan connection
and curiosity sent me in search of information. I discovered
that this time of the year was known as Faoilleach, the wolf
month. naturally this knowledge intrigued my wolfish heart!
unfortunately the wolf in scotland long ago became extinct. there
is now an effort being made to reintroduce them in certain parts
of the highlands. unfortunately there will be fences, they will
not be entirely free. however, for those of us who hold the wolf
close to our hearts...
we will, once more, have the opportunity to hear their voice.
to know they prowl the wilderness which was once theirs.
i dedicate this song to my dear friend xan, the hawk. she who knows and shares a wild heart.
Faoilleach, the Wolf-month
once,when they were few
scratching at the blessed soil
crouching round fire
in draughty shelters
as the dark time
enshrouded the land
i was free to roam
free to run and hunt
following the deer trails
silent in the winter white
the mountain and the glen
were my own kingdom
no need to fear
the eye and arm of humanity
held prisoner by the season
their numbers increased
they staked claim to more
of the sacred earth
unprepared to share
they drove us ever further
until at last
we ceased to howl and hunt
yet still, when the wind bites
when the snow flurries and drifts
when man seeks shelter
from the season's seeping chill
my spirit roams the hills and glens
for those who have the ears to hear
my voice once more reverberates
across the lost wilderness
i really enjoy word verification! today i was gifted 'sulful'... full of sullenness? like the opposite of soulful?
yesterday was fun, the district nurse popped in to change my dressing. man! this country is so damn civilized ... when you leave the hospital they give you a letter for the district nurse and explain when she will visit and what she will do. and then ... she actually arrives, oy, home was never like this! so i managed to take a peek at 'the' wound. well ... i was pretty darn impressed, the cut is at least two inches long and my foot is all the colours of the rainbow. unfortunately i neglected to ask how many stitches there were.
the nurse had only just left when the doorbell rang. a parcel delivery, a huge box, looked like it might contain a fridge. i stepped back and muttered ... "nope, don't think that can be for me." mr delivery pointed out my name and insisted i sign. he then turned on his heel and belted off down the stairs. leaving me wondering how the dickens i was going to carry the huge box into my tiny flat. turns out it was light as a feather and when i opened it up, a bouquet of balloons came bursting out! seems peter, my youngest (still resident in south africa) felt his mommy was deserving of a really big bunch of balloons!must admit - they made my day.
so here we are, friday already. next friday i have my stitches removed, a couple more weeks and i will be driving, dancing, going to gym. well ... maybe the going to gym bit is a teeny exaggeration!
in the beginning ... july 2008 to be more accurate, i had a problem with my foot.
monday, january 25th, 2010 i was admitted to ayr hospital... yeah, yeah ... these things take time! purpose of visit - dowel fusion left second metatarsal. day surgery, no big deal, they would have allowed me home the same evening if only my den came equiped with a caring she wolf!
as i am a live alone type, i was instructed to stay over and await release on the tuesday morning. i did try to explain that i live in an 'over 60's' retirement complex which comes equiped with emergency pull cords and a warden. my pleas went unheard, without an adult at home to keep an eye on my still slightly anaesthetized self - no escape.
i was terrified ... naturally! there were wild stories of removing bone from my hip to use in the foot repair. i imagined myself awaking to a left side completely immobilised in a plaster cast. i silently cursed the idiot doctors who had not bothered to send me for an xray in the first instance thus leading to years of pain,limping, mri's and now ... effing surgery. hah!
however, the sheets were clean and the nurses both attractive and attentive. i decided 'all is exactly as it should be'. i submitted to the needle and departed for where ever it is we go whilst under an anaesthetic. i awoke with a mask over my face, the cool trickle of oxygen keeping my usual claustrophobia at bay. no pain! the anaesthetist removed the mask and muttered something about ... "the surgeon did not have to take bone from your hip", before he rushed off to his next patient.
i woke up again in the ward, thirsty and hungry, i could smell dinner! the 25th is rabbie burns night and i was sure they would offer us poor patients a wee plate of haggis, neeps and tatties.unfortunately we would have to forego the obligatory wee dram due to our rather delicate state as post operative patients... sigh ...
nurse "are you thirsty, would you like a drink?"
me "uhuh" glug, glug ...
nurse "now i know you can smell food but it is too soon for you to eat".
me (thinks) "sez who?"
nurse "not to worry, i will keep you a plate, or make you a nice sandwich when you are ready".
hah ... man, those people will say anything to keep a patient quiet!
i spent almost twenty four hours in the day surgery ward and the only thing to pass my lips was toast and coffee. i suppose the evening meal was a matter of bad timing but i made sure i would be offered a grand scottish breakfast to make up for the inhospitable hospitality of the previous night. not a chance! come breakfast time i was asked if i would like one slice of toast or two. let me tell you good people, those hospital slices are so skinny ... two hardly equals one ... if you know what i mean!
as to my foot, no pain, no plaster, just a big bulky bandage and one of those really stylish blue shoes to hold my foot together.all in all, not nearly as scary as i had imagined.
as i sat in the lounge, gnawing away at my very thin slices of toast, i fell into conversation with two of my fellow patients.the lady to my left had her gall bladder removed and the lady to my right had varicose veins removed from BOTH legs!i stared at them in disbelief ...
"you had these ops yesterday and you are going home today?"
i am starting to feel my age. back in the day ... if the medical fraternity touched you with intent you spent days tucked up in bed, on a spotless ward with a stream of visitors bringing flowers and chocolates.
woke up to a very white world this morning, (very early morning ... i might add!)white and quiet. now i am very fond of the white stuff, far as i am concerned we don't have enough of it in my part of ayrshire. of course, travel a few miles inland and we might well find ourselves stranded waist deep in snow! however ... this year our weather is said to be blowing in from siberia! don't ya just love it when that happens? retirement is great, no need to go out and fight the ice, no need to pretend that my driving skills are up to snow sliding. except for today... i lost my beloved lady rav, well actually ... less lost and more destroyed would be closer to the truth. and that is another story ... so i have been driving (or not) a hire car for the past week. today is the day i am due to return her to the rental guys in kilmarnock. oy! everything is covered with the white stuff! for pete's sake ... i was born in africa, we do dust not frozen water.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" Mary Oliver
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
"There are too many people, and too few human beings." Robert Zend
"Strength is the ability to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands, and then eat just one of those pieces."